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  After a few moments, Mara stands up and climbs out of the hot tub, water draining in sheets from her black racing swimsuit.

  “Here, let me help you. Put your arms around my neck…”

  Casey turns serious and is suddenly very turned on.

  “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

  “Oh, please… a hundred and fifteen pounds soaking wet? Hurry up, I’m getting cold.”

  “I see that.”

  Casey loops her arms around Mara’s neck. Mara lifts her out of the water, their skin throwing off waves of steam in the cool air.

  “Let me get my robe…”

  Mara kisses her and starts for the sliding glass door.

  “Oh… never mind.”

  “You probably meant wine not robe.”

  She makes a half-turn and dips down so Casey can grab the bottle.

  “Hang on, and make yourself useful… open the door with your foot. I’ve got my hands full.”

  Casey closes her eyes and exhales.

  “Yeah, you do. You have no idea.”

  They navigate, pausing so Casey can leave the bottle on the table in the living room, and disappear into the hallway leading to their bedroom, leaving a trail of water on the tile and carpet, the last of the sunset tinting the walls a deep coral.

  Chapter 25

  Derek’s Nightmare

  Derek is asleep but restless. He lies on his back, suddenly yanking the sheet down to his waist, planting his palm on his chest and rubbing the sweat he finds there. He is wide-awake. Every little thing seems irritating, especially the tiny squeak ducking in and out of the air conditioner’s roar. The digital clock glows a bright blue 3:21 am. He swings his legs over the side of the bed, and sits up. He holds his head in his hands, elbows propped on his knees. He straightens up, runs one hand through his hair, reaches for a vodka bottle near the lamp, and shuffles off to the bathroom.

  He comes back, swigging from the bottle and lies down again. He stares at the clock. Gotta get up in three and a half hours. Maybe I should try watching a movie.

  Back to sleep, he dreams the same dream. The one that torments and embarrasses him. Short, erotic scenes, one after another. Both naked, he and Mara are entwined in a huge upholstered chair. She is facing him with her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms braced on the arms of the chair, his face bowed to her chest. She sits on the edge of a coffee table; blanket loosely wrapped around her, his hands tangled in her hair, kissing her passionately, her arms looped around his neck and the arches of her feet resting on his calves.

  As he jolts to wakefulness, the last thing he senses is her smiling face as she playfully applies Blistex to his lips from her ever-present little tube and begins to kiss him.

  Derek slaps the sides of his face with both hands. He talks to himself in a choked whisper.

  “Oh goddamn it! What am I going to do? I can’t do this. It’s got to stop.”

  Chapter 26

  Early Birthday

  Mara, arms full of groceries, carefully bangs on the door with the toe of her shoe. Casey first looks through the peephole, then opens the door.

  “Thanks, the idea of yelling ‘Ding Dong!’ really has no appeal. Did you look first?”

  “Who knew tired detectives could be so funny?”

  Clutching the shopping bags, Mara is not seeing the humor. My arms are falling off. Casey continues, doing damage control, grabbing two of the bags.

  “Yes, Inspector Gadget, I did. The peephole really was an awesome idea. It makes me feel just that much better… and I like that the installer didn’t charge much. The doorbell’s on my list to get fixed.”

  They pile the groceries on the kitchen counter and make short work of putting them away. Casey slides a bag of Jasmine rice, coffee, cans of tomato paste and a jar of orange marmalade onto the cupboard shelf, looking both happy and conspiratorial.

  “I got you something for your birthday.”

  Mara pops her head up from stowing bottles of peach ice tea in the refrigerator.

  “And you’re telling me a couple months ahead of time just to make me crazy?”

  She straightens up and starts to turn around.

  “Wait! Don’t look yet!” Casey steps behind Mara and reaches up to cover her eyes.

  “Help! I’m being held hostage by an Art Major!”

  “That’s ri-ight. Okay, I’m gonna turn you around… and no peeking!”

  Mara starts to laugh.

  “Oh, you turned me around a long time ago.”

  Casey laughs and shakes her hair.

  “I do good work.”

  “That goes without saying.”

  Casey knees Mara in the legs.

  “Say it.”

  “What?”

  “You better say it!”

  Mara pretends to be afraid.

  “Oh God, please don’t hurt me. I’ll do whatever you say, little brat.”

  “I’m filing that one for later. You are warned!”

  “Sir, yes Ma’am! You do good work.”

  Casey marches Mara slowly toward the deep-orange wall near the turntable where the ‘present’ hangs on the wall. A silk screen, done from Mara’s favorite family photo, a group shot of her parents, herself and her two brothers at an outdoor barbecue, standing by the pickup truck.

  “Okay, we’re gonna sit on the couch… you sit in the middle.”

  She sits Mara down.

  “No goddamn peeking!”

  “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”

  Casey socks her in the arm.

  “Damn! How will I explain this at work? I’ll have to start wearing nicotine patches again to cover the tiny bruises.”

  Casey sits at the end of the couch, swings her legs up, bending her knees, and pulls Mara around to lie back against her.

  Mara, eyes still closed tightly, is quiet, realizing that something is serious. Strange how knowing someone so well makes you pick up on such subtle shifts in the air or the mood, without a word spoken.

  Casey has wrapped her arms around Mara, one hand on her chest and one hand above her eyes.

  “Okay, I hope you like it. You can open your eyes.”

  Mara opens her eyes and looks up at the serigraph. The recognition hits her, and she is overwhelmed, unable to say anything. She tries hard to control her feelings.

  “Let it go… just let go.”

  Tears slide down Mara’s face and run onto her throat.

  “Oh, Matty. I miss you so bad.”

  A new wave of feeling slams her hard.

  “He was so sweet. I should have gone with him.” Nothing worse than survivor’s guilt. She chokes and squeezes her eyes shut tightly.

  “I have to sit up. I feel like I’m…”

  “You’re safe with me… remember when you said that thing about drowning?”

  Mara is sniffing and trying to regain her emotional equilibrium.

  “When?”

  “At the Kobayashi’s… at Claire and Philip’s… when I was so sad and sick?”

  “Yes, I remember everything. That’s my problem.” She often thought that the same things that made her a good detective made her one miserable, melancholy human being. That’s why Casey was such a good match. Cheerful, and always trying to see the good potential in everything.

  “Well, so it’s your turn. You took… you take such good care of me.”

  Casey pauses, trying to get her thoughts together. She forged ahead even though she felt shaky and vulnerable.

  “I… I love you so much sometimes I don’t know what to do. So… so you can drown with me, just like you said, and still be safe.”

  Mara turns on her side and they wrap each other tightly in a close, almost desperate embrace. They fall asleep together and wake up in the middle of the night.
/>   “What time is it? Are you late for work?” That animal jolt of panic, suddenly not knowing if it’s morning or night. Not knowing where you should be.

  “Have you ever heard this one before? It’s my day off.”

  “Whew!”

  Casey nods and a soft smile plays across her face.

  “That was one of the best things you ever said.”

  Mara gets up and kneels by the couch, taking Casey’s face in her hands. She leans her forehead against Casey’s and kisses her.

  “I love my picture… I do. You are the best thing that could ever happen to me.”

  “I know, me too.” She runs her hand through her hair and cups her hand over her left eye for a moment.

  “Would you make me some of your special B-Side coffee? Crying gives me a giant headache.”

  “Sure.”

  Mara pads into the kitchen, and gets some coffee started, then walks back over to look at her gift. She leans her palms against the wall and puts her face close to the frame. She whispers something, kisses the pad of her thumb and stamps Matty’s face with it.

  Chapter 27

  Blowtorch

  Casey and Mara are lying in bed. Mara looks content and sleepy. Casey sits up and looks over at her. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she stretches and puts the heel of her hand to her left eye, rubbing it a little and blinking.

  “Be right back.”

  “Is it from your eye? Are you getting one of those headaches?”

  “It’s not a bad one… and it was way worth it.” Casey laughs. She smiles, hunches her shoulders and walks to the bathroom.

  “Would you bring me some water when you come back, please?”

  Of course. I love when you say pleeeeze.”

  Mara sits halfway up and lazes against a crushed-up pillow. The silver anniversary necklace is lying on the nightstand. Casey gets something for her headache and comes back into the room with a big glass of water.

  She comes around to Mara’s side of the bed and sits on the edge sipping water. She tips her head back and takes two tablets. She cups her palm over her left eye again.

  Mara tugs lightly on the back of Casey’s hair.

  “Are you okay?”

  Casey lifts Mara’s forearm and rests it across her thighs.

  “Don’t worry… it’s not a bad one. Really. I’m fine.”

  Mara pretends to be upset.

  “But where’s my water that you promised you were going to bring me, huh? You get me all hot and thirsty, and then you leave me stranded.”

  Casey holds up the glass.

  “This is your water.”

  Mara stares at her and smiles. This playful bantering usually led somewhere good, very good or very, very good. So, it was worth pursuing.

  “And did I say you could drink my water?”

  Mara looks up as Casey stands, takes a swallow of water, puts the glass down and climbs back onto the bed, straddling Mara’s legs.

  Mara breathes hard but tries to slow herself down. What a way to die.

  “What are you thinking of now?” Casey was always surprising her, even after three years. She didn’t know how much longer this could possibly continue, but she couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of it either.

  Casey grabs the glass and takes a big mouthful of water, bends down and leans her arms on the pillow, putting her lips against Mara’s. She begins to let the still slightly cool water trickle into her mouth. She repeats this a couple of times until Mara is gasping.

  “More?”

  Mara has raised her hands above her head.

  “Yes. Oh, you’re…”

  She gulps down another swallow, panting.

  “Is your… ah, God! Is your headache better? I want you so bad right now.” Jesus, had she just let her wild thoughts slip out into the air?

  She takes the glass from Casey, putting it on the nightstand, and pulls her down on top of her.

  “Just go slow, slow…”

  Mara’s hands stroking Casey’s lower back, and pushing her tank top up toward her shoulders. Casey sits up and pulls it off the rest of the way, looping it around Mara’s wrists and giving the ends a tug. She pushes Mara’s hands over her head and bears down a little.

  “You’re tied up, but not really. And you’re not at work, so I’m in charge. And you’re gonna waive your rights… right now. You just gotta trust me.”

  Mara’s nostrils flare as she tips her head back.

  “I do… You’ve got me. You do.” Excitement that felt wrong. Not wrong, but not natural to her.

  Casey reassures her, whispering close to her ear.

  “I know how hard this is for you to just give it up, but it’s good for you to let yourself be taken care of sometimes, you know?”

  Mara’s eyes are full, and she bites her lower lip, and squeezes her eyes shut. Why was this so hard? She was safe. Nothing bad was going to happen but the lack of control felt threatening somehow. She wanted to explain.

  “I just…”

  “Look at me.”

  Mara looks her right in the eyes.

  “Tell me what you want. I know it’s hard.”

  Mara closes her eyes and chokes out the words.

  “I want you everywhere. I want all of you, everything you’ve got. It kills me to say how much I need you, but I do.” Now she wanted to run, but she had gotten it out. It felt like a wave of shame, but she knew that couldn’t be it. She started to shake.

  Casey is momentarily struck and quiet. It was some kind of breakthrough that she wasn’t even fully aware that she had been longing for. The room was quiet and blowtorch hot.

  “Oh, I don’t think I could ever love you more than I do right now.”

  Pushing down on Mara’s upturned wrists, Casey begins a barrage of passionate kisses. She paints Mara’s lips with her fingertips.

  “Do you have any idea how sweet you taste?”

  Mara’s lightly tethered hands come down and crush Casey in a powerful embrace.

  Casey breathes hard next to Mara’s ear, her voice husky.

  “I want to hear you…”

  Chapter 28

  Flashback

  Mara and Derek grab a quick breakfast in a coffee shop before a heavy workday. Halfway through the meal, Derek pushes his plate away and leans back in the booth. Mara snags his last piece of bacon.

  “You look tired. Are you sleeping okay?” Mara worried about the way Derek was looking lately. Still a very handsome guy but a little haggard around the edges.

  “Oh, it’s just my own little problem.”

  A young waiter cruised along the row of booths with two coffee servers, turning to them.

  “More coffee?”

  “No, we’re good. Thanks. Could we get the check though?”

  “Sure, be right back.”

  Mara watches the waiter walk off and then turns back to Derek. Maybe try a subtle approach, not too hard sell.

  “So, what’s going on with you?” They were on excellent terms, so she didn’t think that sounded too nosy. Just interested, curious.

  Derek swirls his coffee as a distraction. Keep it calm and off-handed. Yeah, he could do that. Not secretive but not springing any leaks.

  “I’m just dealing with some… vivid dreams. Really kinda stupid.”

  “Is it work or something else? You can tell me, huh?” She hoped it wasn’t flashbacks. There was hardly an Iraq veteran, including her brother, who hadn’t dealt with that on some level.

  “Sure, yeah I know I can, but it makes me feel so… high school or something.” What could you do but joke about stuff like this? Toss it off. Not act all obsessed and weird. It was really bothering him.

  Mara looks down at her hands. This thing between them, just hanging there in the background.

 
“Oh… well, yeah. I know.” At least she thought she knew.

  She leaned closer and continued, taking her cues from his reaction.

  “Please don’t feel bad. You were… it was good. It was. Before that, I thought of Matty all the time. I didn’t think I’d ever feel right again. You really kinda saved me.”

  Derek stares down into his coffee cup. Where was the guy with the check? He looked down the line and saw him delivering an order. On his way… good.

  Not knowing if she was exactly on the right track, Mara forged ahead.

  “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not you. It’s me.”

  Derek eyes the door, and then turns back to Mara.

  The waiter sails by, thanks them and slides the check onto the edge of the table.

  “No, it’s me. Okay… well, enough of my mental problems.”

  He laughs and shakes his head, trying to make a joke of it, more than ready to leave.

  They rise to leave, and Derek beats her to the check, smiling.

  “You can leave the tip.”

  “Done.”

  “Very stealthy. Unlike the bacon theft… I didn’t even see it. You’d make a good criminal.”

  “Maybe, but I have a job on the other side and my partner would bust me.”

  Standing outside the coffee shop, they informally plan the rest of their workday.

  Okay, so I’ll go to St. Vincent’s and interview the family, and you do your interrogation with what’s-his-face at the station. Maybe if the timing works out…”

  Mara makes an educated guess.

  “We’ll be eating and talking again!”

  “Such is the life of a detective. Leap-frogging from meal to meal. Be thinking of what you want. How about Mexican?”

  “It’s a plan. Looks like today is gonna be another hot one.”

  “They said low 90’s… you know how that goes.”

  “Nickel bet… I say 96.” Mara had an uncanny gift for stupid intuitive bets.

  “You’re on. I’m gonna say… 92. Loser buys dinner. Okay, see ya. Good luck with the creep. Be careful, Mar’.”