B-Side Page 10

  Mara sets the beer down. She gives Casey a hard look.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I know…”

  Mara holds up her hand to stop Casey.

  “Trust me. You don’t know.”

  Casey quickly stands up. She walks away, yanks the sliding glass door open and goes out to sit on the deck. The door thuds behind her, and the wall shudders. Cecil misses his chance to go with Casey. He lies back down, looking disappointed.

  Mara toys with her beer bottle, and then sets it down, leaning her head on her hand. She unbuttons her blouse and slips one sleeve down over her shoulder. She peels off a nicotine patch, rises and walks off toward the bedroom.

  Mara comes back into the living room, smoothing a new patch on her arm. She zips up the hooded sweatshirt she has changed into. She sits and finishes her beer, nervously rotating the bottle between sips. Casey’s bottle still sits next to it. Mara idly nudges her empty bottle until it makes a small clink against Casey’s.

  A long fifteen minutes passes, and Casey comes back in. She slides the door shut quietly and goes directly to the sink where she begins to dump out the Thai food. Cecil walks over and sits, looking hopeful. Casey fishes a couple bites of chicken out of the carton and feeds him. She points to Cecil’s spot.

  “You’re welcome, now go lie down.”

  Cecil stands, staring at her.

  “Uh-uh. Go on.”

  The Akita slowly trudges to his place.

  Casey slams food containers into the trash and returns to the sink to wash glasses. She keeps her back to Mara who now stands in the living room.

  Mara shrugs and raises her hands. She pushes her sweatshirt sleeves up.

  “I said I was sorry. What do you want from me?” She hadn’t actually said it yet. But she had been short and blunt, never intending to.

  Casey keeps her back turned as she answers.

  “I know you’re sorry. But it happens a lot, and it’s starting…”

  “Hey, you knew I had this job! I told you I might not always be so nice to be around. Remember?”

  Casey is steaming. She turns to face Mara, drying her hands on a dishtowel and throwing it down on the counter. She tosses her hair behind her shoulders. A highlight slips across her silver necklace.

  Cecil’s eyes on Casey.

  “For one thing, don’t ‘Hey’ me. I hate that! I know what you said, and that’s not what I’m talking about… at all.”

  Mara eyes her, putting her hands on her hips as she starts to pace.

  Casey rolls her eyes, thoroughly exasperated.

  “Oh, Jesus! The hands on the hips thing.”

  Mara stops in her tracks and snaps back at Casey.

  “You liked it okay when I was running at the track, huh?”

  Casey touches her chest with the flat of her hand, and her eyelids drop as she exhales. The necklace peeks out from behind her hand.

  “I loved it at the track. I could get excited just thinking about it, if I wasn’t so mad at you right now. I don’t care about throwing the food out, but I never see you now.” She felt she had been patient, but she was really hurting and something had to change. She trusted her instincts.

  Mara takes her hands off her hips and folds her arms, still looking angry and sad.

  Cecil worries. his eyes shift back and forth from Mara to Casey as their argument escalates.

  “So, tell me what I’m doing wrong. Being late?”

  “Just because I can take care of myself now and I didn’t die, you’d rather be with him?”

  Mara is on guard now as Casey picks up steam.

  “You think I’ll just sit here and crop photos and you can show up whenever? You moved in with me. We are a couple. I keep your privacy, I protect you… but you know what? Don’t fucking take me for granted!”

  Mara glowers at her.

  “I don’t.”

  In her hurt and anger, Casey can’t resist adding another layer.

  “I get hit on a lot, and it’s not just so I’ll pour a good drink. It happened before you; happens after you.”

  Mara blinks hard, suddenly very upset. She struggles to stay calm.

  “What, you want out? You’re sick of me?”

  She sits on the arm of the couch and starts to cry.

  Casey is surprised and her tone immediately softens . Cecil pays strict attention to the exchange.

  “Baby, please don’t cry. I can’t stand it.”

  She kneels down and cups her hands over Mara’s wrists.

  “‘You know I love you… my parents love you, but you scare me when you go inside yourself like this. I need to know you’re really with me.”

  “Of course, I’m with you!”

  “I know Derek is your friend, but he wasn’t always just your friend.”

  Mara’s face flushes, and she raises her voice.

  “So, you’re gonna throw that up in my face now?!”

  Cecil gets up and walks over near Casey. He begins to whine quietly.

  “You know he wants you… you know he does! And I don’t blame him.”

  “I am not sleeping with him!”

  “But you’re with him all the time.”

  Mara reaches down and grabs her shoes, stamping them on without untying the laces.

  “If you don’t trust me, that’s on you!”

  Mara jumps up and heads for the front door, wiping her eyes and grabbing her keys and cell phone from the table. Cecil looks confused, but starts to follow Mara.

  Casey gets up and stares hard at Mara who won’t meet her eyes. She gestures and calls the Akita back to her.

  “Cecil, come here!”

  “I’m going for a drive.”

  “Shit! Are you even going to ask me to go with you?”

  Cecil lets out a squeak.

  “No, I just need to think.”

  Casey is fuming and sarcastic.

  “And, of course, you couldn’t possibly think with me near you!”

  “Look, just leave me alone right now. I’ll be back in a while. I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck! Stop saying you’re sorry. Just stand still and talk to me! Damn it, Cecil… go lie down!”

  Casey throws up her hands, pounds down the hall in her bare feet and slams the bedroom door behind her. Her muffled voice is heard.

  “Do not wake me up when you come in!” As if I could sleep now.

  Mara leaves, shutting the front door hard.

  Cecil stands stock still, - then goes to lie outside the bedroom door.

  Chapter 35

  Second Cut

  Late afternoon. Mara works at her computer while Casey tries various color mattes on some black and white photos. An LP is playing as they both work on their separate projects. Cecil dozes in his favorite spot near the sliding glass door, blinking in the sun.

  Casey asks for Mara’s opinion, holding up a photo and comparing two mattes: - one slate and one blue-grey.

  “Which do you think on this one?”

  Mara looks up from her work.

  “Oops, sorry. You’re trying to work.

  “No, no, that’s okay. This is not exactly brain surgery, just tedious. Let’s see.”

  Casey holds up one color in front of the print, and then the second.

  The record on the turntable ends and Mara gets up to change it.

  “I like the blue-grey one, but that’s just me. Any requests?”

  “Yeah, I think so, too. No, surprise me. Play whatever you want.”

  “Okay. Want something to drink?” She briefly gazes out at the sky and ocean.

  “Is there any peach tea left?”

  Mara checks the refrigerator and grabs a couple glasses. A few ice cubes. All set. Cecil perks up hearing the refrigerator door, and then looks forlorn and closes his eyes again.


  Mara puts her glass by the computer and walks over to where Casey is working.

  “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.”

  Casey takes a sip and turns her face up, closing her eyes and pushing her lips out.

  “What’s the matter, tea too tart?”

  “Yeah, it is. I needs me some sugah!” She approximates an expression of deprivation and suffering and laughs. Bad acting. Completely over the top.

  Mara cups her hands under Casey’s jaw and kisses her upside-down. Casey bugs out her eyes and blinks.

  “Emergency Brake Kiss!”

  “A what?” No wonder she gets along with Skeezy and his freestyle speech.

  “You don’t remember the time I was at your place for the weekend and you came out to say goodnight when I was late for work?”

  Mara shakes her head, puzzled but intrigued.

  “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

  “Sooo embarrassing. Are you sure I didn’t tell you this?”

  “I think I would remember something so weird-sounding, even from you.”

  “It was about the second time I came over to your place for the weekend, and you came out to the car to say good night…” Casey has a fit of giggles.

  “Yes…?”

  “And I really didn’t want to leave, but I was already late for work…”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “So, I’m sitting in my car and you looked around, all furtive like, and stuck your head in the window and kissed me upside-down like that. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

  “I guess…” Mara felt really bad not remembering whatever this story was.

  “Anyway, I was driving and being all flustered and late and I thought the car was having some horrible problem.”

  “That part sounds realistic.”

  “Well, it smelled hot, but I just kept thinking, ‘I gotta get to work.’, so I just kept driving. It smelled like the engine was falling apart or something.”

  “This is fascinating…”

  “Shut up! So, I pull into my space and reach down to yank on the emergency brake…”

  Mara starts to laugh.

  “You left it on?”

  Casey sings her answer.

  “All the way from MEM-phis… so I think that was my first Emergency Brake Kiss from you.”

  They both laugh hard, wiping their eyes.

  “And that fucker was expensive!” Casey takes a couple sips of her tea.

  “This is some very valuable information.” Mara kisses Casey on the side of her head.

  “Drink your tea. I have to get this work done.”

  Mara walks over, selects another record and puts it on the turntable. The first track begins to play.

  Casey is back to sorting photos, measuring and marking up mattes. Mara sits back down, staring into her computer screen and getting back into work mode.

  The tonearm glides to the second cut on the LP. A slight crackle and the song begins.

  A steel ruler and T-square clatter to the floor, and Mara looks over to see Casey looking upset. Cecil is on his feet, alert and worried.

  Casey speaks in a strained low tone of voice.

  “Turn it off.”

  “What? What’s wrong?” Mara swiveled in her chair. Something was off. The air in the room had changed. Casey almost looked scared.

  Casey raises her hands to the sides of her head and looks shaken and afraid.

  “Turn it off… Please!”

  Mara stands up quickly, almost tipping her chair over.

  “But… you love this one. Casey, what’s wrong?”

  Casey is crying and shaking, still holding her hands to her face. Her leg jiggles nervously. Cecil paces and begins to cry. He lifts his front paws alternately, staring straight at Casey.

  “Just take it off. Please!”

  Mara dives toward the turntable and rips the stylus off the record with a loud, abrasive screech. She rushes to Casey and grabs her hands.

  “Come over and sit. Casey, come over to the couch. Let me take you over…” Was she having a breakdown? Was it fallout from the head trauma? What was going on? Even Cecil was going nuts.

  “Shhh, Cecil. It’s okay, she’s okay. Come here. Sit. Good boy.”

  Mara sits at the end of the couch and pulls Casey down to be cradled in her lap. The look on Casey’s face was really scaring her. Casey hunches over, hugging herself. Mara figures it out.

  “That’s what was playing, isn’t it? When you… when…”

  Everything was caving in.

  “I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m right back there, suffocating. I felt like I was going to die.”

  Casey continues to shake. Mara reaches for a nearby beach towel and wraps it around Casey, holding her. Her chin rests on the top of Casey’s head.

  Casey speaks through her tears, trying to talk her way through the panic as she remembers more details she has suppressed.

  “…And I can smell him when I feel like this. What if it never stops? What will I be like? I don’t want to feel this way!”

  Cecil inches closer and pushes his muzzle into Casey’s hand. He tries not to whine, but in his worry, some little wheezes escape.

  “I am going to find this mother-fucker! I will find him…You hear me? I can’t stand it that you were alone…”

  Mara grits her teeth and tries to control her anger.

  “I should have been here! And it kills me that I wasn’t.”

  Mara regains control of her emotions and soothes Casey, wiping her tears with the corner of the beach towel.

  “I will nail this filthy bastard to the wall, and I will make sure he never touches anyone ever again.”

  Cecil lets out one short, sharp bark.

  Time passes, and Casey is calm again. Mara gets up and grabs her glass of iced tea, handing it to Casey, who sips slowly.

  “Would you do something for me?” Mara was ready, for what she didn’t know.

  “Get him a couple of his biscuits. He’s such a good boy.” Casey’s eyes filled with tears.

  “Aw… he really is. Sure.”

  Mara wipes her eyes as she brings the box over, and they each feed Cecil a couple treats. He rests his chin on Casey’s knee for a moment as she touches his face and then lies at their feet.

  Mara starts in slowly, knowing the time is right.

  “I know it’s hard, Case’, but I want you to try and think of anything at all about it. It may help us.”

  “He was sweaty and panting, and I can’t remember what… but he was saying some horrible stuff.”

  “If you can just stay calm and close your eyes and concentrate. If it gets too rough, I promise we’ll stop, okay?”

  “Alright, but I couldn’t see him at all. Really. And by that time, I was so scared of dying.”

  They both fight tears for their own reason.

  “I know. It’s okay. You can do this.” It sounded hollow, but Casey was really very strong and resilient.

  “Okay, he seemed kind of short or at least by where his voice was coming from, I think so. Like maybe a little taller than you?”

  “Yeah? I’m 5’7”. So… like… 5’9”?”

  “Maybe. I mostly heard my own breathing, and I felt sick to my stomach and my head hurt so bad, but he was really angry and hissing or growling like under his breath.”

  The details just tumbled out.

  “Go ahead.”

  “He didn’t really smell bad… it was just that stuff Brian wears, that aftershave or whatever it is. Too strong.”

  “Could you be remembering Brian’s from when you picked up the cake?”

  “I guess…wait, no. When he first put the jacket over my head, there was like a… a wave, a gust of smell and it was whatever that scent is.
”

  “Okay, you’re doing good. Anything else stand out in your memory? Anything…even if you don’t think it makes sense.”

  Casey squeezes her eyes tight.

  “Ummm, the squeaking. His shoes made noise like… oh, kinda like on a basketball court.”

  Casey looks at Mara with a sad expression.

  “I’m sorry. I want to stop. My head is hurting, but that’s about all I remember anyway.”

  She tears up.

  “And he ruined my song for me. I just want to lie down for a little bit.”

  Mara gets up and holds out her hand to Casey.

  “Come on, big girl. Let’s lie down.”

  “He called me something…”

  “He called you by your name?”

  They walk slowly toward the bedroom with Cecil tagging along.

  “No… at least I don’t think so. Oh, wait, he said ‘Terra…’ something. Maybe he couldn’t read the card or whatever.”

  “The card?”

  “Yes, with the flowers. He was reading from something, a card… a work order.”

  She sighs.

  “So beautiful. I thought my Dad sent them.”

  “Why did you think that?”

  “He would know and you would know that the blue-purple lilies are my favorite. He told me I would sit and stare at them when I was little tiny, like five. He would just stay with me and watch me until I finished.”

  They are in the darkened bedroom now.

  “You lie down, and I’ll get you a couple of your tablets, huh?”

  “Okay, yeah. I guess.”

  Casey lies on her side, drawing her legs up. Mara comes back and sits on the edge of the bed.

  “Here, you should probably take two… do you think?”

  Casey swallows the two tablets and drinks some water.

  “You can finish your work. I’m okay. Really.”

  Mara takes the glass and sets it on the nightstand.

  “I can do it later. You’re my work right now. And as you know…”

  “What?”

  Mara climbs onto the bed and lies next to Casey, putting her forehead against Casey’s and her hand on Casey’s chest.

  “What?”

  “I love my work.”